Reading through my research diary and blog posts at the time, I realise it’s been exactly five years since I was in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games. In all honesty, back then I would have thought my PhD about the alternative, resistance and social media of those games would have been long completed by now. In fact, it is only really been the last year where it has felt entirely possible that it could happen. I’ve had to reverse engineer much of my research design and conceptual framework – despite much of it being close to my original thinking at the time, I had really no idea how I would begin to write about something that has taken me working at 2 mega events, 7 house-moves and 2 supervisor changes & a 16 month suspension from registration to finally get to grips with.
The story of my PhD and how it gets finished is not about my displacement and what I haven’t done – it is what I have done, where I’m at and what is happening now. I posted on Facebook last night about how I have reached a turning point – after 10 months re-registered part-time back on the programme, technically my ‘4th year’ – I’ve now completed a thesis summary for the last 4 chapters of my PhD. Something has had to tip from “what I am going to do?” to “what I have done!” – and having spent the last 2.5 days working through my record of data collection from 2010 – which, when I was feeling at my lowest, I thought was a pile of shit and a waste of time – actually is a pretty reflective, organised and backed up collection of materials, that makes sense and actually can start to be analysed, presented and contextualised in these last 4 chapters. Similarly, I have set a deadline to submit 40k words (that’s exactly half of the final word-count) to my supervisors by the 30th of May 2015 (before a week off to York). That’s chapter 1-4, much of which is drafted and needs a couple of rounds of editing between now and May. It’s not an unrealistic goal, I have it all there – it does require quite a bit of library time, quite a lot of reading about epistemologies and ontologies and paradigms – but in terms of chapter plans, outlines and structures, I’m working with a jigsaw, not a blank page.
It makes me super happy to be able to write about this in my blog – especially as this blog has pretty much been with me through the whole process from application, data collection, dropping out, angst and PhD blues – it’s not a stage where I’m not having to write about how I am going to restart my PhD, it’s about how I am going to finish it, and perhaps even be able to share results, discussions and thoughts about methodology (which I feel I was much better at before I embarked on this half decade of brain-freeze!) I owe most of it to writing retreats and being able to spent more of my time with people who understand and encourage and notice change and progression. Also, I enjoy my job, it’s close enough but different enough to be able to explore the same themes from different perspectives.
The consistency of the writing retreat format means I can see my progress, I can notice how my mood and experience of working on a PhD changes. I’ve arrived at some retreats and been through the roof with stress but more recently I’ve been a chilled customer, finding it much easier to let go of things before it gets to that stage. I even have a detailed record of what I was writing this time last year, what my goals were and have I made them.
So, yeah, in terms of accountability, here we go – plan is full draft of PhD in by September this year, done by January 2016? I think that’s entirely possible now.